The Bike of Doom

As hard as it is to believe, there are some bikes just so cheap, so clearly bad, even I wouldn’t ride them. As a connoisseur, of sorts, of low end bikes, I have set myself some limits. A price of $99, for example, would be about the lowest I’d go. A bike priced less than that just couldn’t be rideable. No way. I also have this thing about buying bikes that cost less than my cycling shorts. It just doesn’t work for me.

And so, without further delay, here’s a cheap ass bike that falls below the Bike of Doom threshold of acceptable pricing. It’s the Canadian Tire SuperCycle 1800, commonly known as the SC1800, or hereabouts as The Bike of Doom, now priced at a measly $79 (at least for a while) from Canadian Tire.

$79? What the hell is Canadian Tire thinking? Don’t they realize that some people LIKE paying more for a bike? The more it costs, the better it is, the better the ride. It’s faultless logic. At $79, this bike won’t go more than, oh, say, 75 miles! Worse, at $79 it will lose its appeal to the cycling elites who have learned the hard way that you get what you pay for.

Oh, sure, somebody will buy this bike, even at this low price. Die hard tightwads might now look at it, or sidewalk riders, or new immigrants. The desperate. The lonely. The cheap. but serious cyclists? No way, man. We don’t look at bikes under $99. And that’s the lower limit. That’s barely acceptable. Ideally, a bike would cost at least $119 to enter the pantheon of truly respectable rides. Are you listening, Canadian Tire? That’s right. Sales of the SC1800 might go up if you raised the price to an exorbitant $119.

On the other hand, if you’ve been putting off buying one of these babies because $99 was out of your reach, or would blow your cycling budget for the year, now is your chance. I mean, really, who has to know you only paid $79? It’s easy to lie and say you paid $99. That’s what we call a “white lie.” With taxes and a couple of accessories thrown in… say a $5 lock, some colored streamers for the handlebars, a horn and a safety flag, the bike might come close to $99 anyway. And think of the good that might come of it. The bike might last more than 75 miles, for example. Serious cyclists, believing you paid full price for the thing, might nod in easy camaraderie when passing you on the street, rather than casting sidelong glances of derision as is likely to happen if you ride a $79 bike.

You’d be surprised at the difference $20 will make to your cycling life. Like I said, you won’t find me riding one of these things. Not at that price.

But don’t let that stop you.

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